Hacked Firm Tells the Truth; Internet Unsure How to Respond
In an unusual move, a company recently hacked has put its hands up and fully confirmed the extent of the breach and data leak.
Normally, the industry playbook reads: deny, deflect, gaslight. Ensuring victims remain blissfully unaware, while executives quietly cover their digital behinds and update their LinkedIn profiles.
Not this time.
No, it’s pretty bad. All data’s been compromised. You’re all hosed.
Said the company’s head of security, Gerard Binkleton, with the dead-eyed calm of a man who’s already updated his CV.
His candour continued, in between sips of what your correspondent can only assume was something stronger than coffee;
Yeah, we were told years ago to implement some critical security upgrades, but, you know... YOLO. Turns out AI-powered hacking doesn’t respect our vibes-based risk model.
The Information Commissioner’s Office is said to be ecstatic. Witnesses report ICO agents performing a choreographed tap dance down Whitehall while launching GDPR fines from novelty cannons. A spokesperson for the agency commented: "We haven’t been this excited since Facebook accidentally emailed us their ad-targeting algorithm".
