Offcom Want your kinks…and your ID
To comply with newly minted Ofcom regulations, crafted, no doubt, after a robust discussion over sherry and mild repression. Every pervayour of adult entertainment must now implement “robust” age verification systems.
That’s right: before you can click on that mildly adventurous video titled “Step-Aunt’s Unexpected Yoga Lesson”, you’ll need to provide proof of age, dignity, and presumably your grandmother’s maiden name.
All in the name of protecting minors, you understand. And perhaps, incidentally, to create the single most tantalising honeypot of blackmailable data in British history.
After all, nothing says “national security vulnerability” quite like linking one’s legal identity to their deeply private interest in latex, llamas, or erotic gardening tips.
The mind boggles at the data breach headlines of the future:
“Pornhub Leak Reveals Fetish Habits of 42 MPs and One Particularly Curious Archdeacon”
Already, whispers swirl around Rippington South, where the Honourable MP Johnny Mamaduke has been allegedly linked to a niche subgenre of content involving cheesecake, toe tickling, and Gregorian chant. “It’s a personal spiritual practice”, his office claimed.
Privacy is dead, shame is immortal, and your browser history could be the next great political scandal.
